Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
