Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
