I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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