Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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