I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
