You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
