Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
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Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
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You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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