I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
