I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
it glows. i had to have it.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
