I just made out with a guy for $7.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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