you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
