She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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