I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
