I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
