I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
