you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
