Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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