Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
