I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize