o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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