So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize