WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
How's work?
Spinning.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
