Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
