i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
