I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the day after is always just damage control
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
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Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
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I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
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