who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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