My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
