Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
