No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
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