Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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