I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize