There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
