I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
