I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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