Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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