I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
All the doctor said was why
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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