John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just high enough for therapy.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize