What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
