apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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