Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
