I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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