Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
