Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
