I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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