Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
