someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
