community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
