You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
