The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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