I will die if light touches me.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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