Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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