I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
