my sisters under your porch take her home
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
two words: eviction party
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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