I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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