I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
