it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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