tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
