Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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