If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
