You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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