you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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