I think my fart just growled at me.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
