Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
