If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
