He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
