You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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