totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
