Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you didnt know i had herpes?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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