Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
