I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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