I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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