I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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