Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
