dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
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shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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