I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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